Macro Monthly

By Jak8714

The FDA recently issued a recall for Huge Corp’s infamous ‘Super Milk Boost’, a milk-based diet and excercise supplement, due to reports that the most recent batch had been contaminated by experimental growth hormones. While the source of this contamination is yet unknown, scientics report that the hormones are highly experimental and likely to cause any number of side effects, including but not limited to:

Significant growth in height and weight, increases in muscle mass, expansion in primary and secondary sexual characteristics, spontaneous lactation, spontaneous horn growth, a tendency to moo in stressful situations, excessive fluid production, and increased hair growth. 

Recent customers had this to say in response to the recall:

‘Yeah, it hit my girl first. Just, sprung up practically over night. Probably grew five, six feet that first night. Put a real fire in her too, practically dragging me off to bed…not that im complaining.’ Amber Mclaid

‘Oh, it’s horrible, just horrible.  I always put a little cream in my coffee, and by the time I’d heard the news I’d already drank so much that…well, by the time I’d finished growing they had to tear down the walls to get me out of the barn!  And no matter what I do, I just won’t stop leaking!’ Mary-Dawn Purr

‘Yeah, I ended up drinking almost two bottles of the stuff, and I’ve been feeling great. Im stronger, im hotter, I’ve never been healthier.  Honestly, if it wasn’t for the whole ‘not fitting through doors thing’ I’d call this whole mess a win.’ Heather van Hilda.

Needless to say, reactions are mixed, but scientists are still urging the public to avoid consuming the tainted product for the time being, until more tests can be conducted.